Featuring guest writer 'Mystery M'

Introducing our new guest writer, M. 
Today M lets us in on what a guy really thinks about the fashion we wear.


“That dress would look much better on the bedroom floor”… unfortunately this is no longer just a dodgy pick up line, but a true reflection of the nature of many girls choice of clothing. I can’t recall how many times I have been out with the boys looking at the female talent and someone has said the words “she’s pretty hot, but WTF is she wearing?!” After discussing this at length with female friends it has become quite clear to me that girls and guys often have very different opinions about what looks good on a girl. So in order to get my thoughts out there without having to hear the standard “you don’t understand, you’re a stupid boy” line that I usually get (and also bludge a bit at work) I have agreed to write this blog for Eve and Prue giving a guys opinion of what girls wear.

I am in no way a fashion guru nor am I the most stylish dresser myself, but in my humble opinion: if you don’t look good to the average person, you don’t look good at all. If you think something is fashionable just because it’s on the ‘New Arrivals Rack’, it costs a fortnights wages or that was made by some obscure designer who makes all their clothes by hand on their grandma’s antique loom… think again!

As I obviously have no real idea about girls fashion (or guys for that matter) rather than trying to give you suggestions on exciting combinations of clothing to wear, I’m just going to give you my opinion on some of the things that see the so called ‘trendy’ girls of today wearing.

Too High High Heels
As Bart Simpson told Lisa when she was preparing for the Little Miss Springfield Pageant, “heel, toe, heel, toe”. If you can’t walk like this then you need to wear shorter heels or be prepared to have people laughing behind your back as you stomp around looking like a velociraptor (their the scary dinosaurs from the end of Jurassic Park). And remember that flats are sexy.

Fur Vests
Just don’t do it!
Girls see this: 

 Guys see this:

If you aren’t a mechanic you probably shouldn’t wear one.

MC Hammer Pants
I don’t know what they’re actually called but these pants aren’t flattering on any girl…

Mustard Coloured Clothing
Mustard is for hotdogs, not clothing.

Animal Print
Regardless of how you do it and despite what may have previously been written by The Gosson, when I see a girl wearing any form of animal print I can’t help but get flashbacks to being groped by desperate cougars at the Old Lion, so unless this is the look you're going for I recommend avoiding it.


High Waisted
Potentially the sexiest thing since the invention of the bikini is the high waisted skirt. High waisted pants should be treated with caution and high waisted shorts should be avoided.

Tight Pants
Go as tight as you can go whilst still being able to walk properly or having your crotch resemble the bonnet of a Volkswagen Beetle (using you imagination you should be able to tell what I’m talking about).

Long-Sleeve Dress
Firm fitting, short cut long-sleeved dress with no cleavage… always a winner (provided you have the body for it).

Until next time,


  1. Sounds like you are a man with a good head on his shoulders! Very funny stuff, I hope we get to hear you opinions again.

  2. Gold, can't wait till you write again. I agree with everything written